did you know...

I gave you a chance to leave me. I gave you a chance to seek better girlfriend. You said I had changed. Changed to the way you detest most. Change to be like a 'da xiao jie', just like Sharon. And you once said if I were to be like her, you would not want me anymore.

I let you go, yet you wanted to hold on.

You said I was unreasonable. Always screaming and yelling at you, staring at you like an enemy. Then why did you want me back? I gave you a break, a way out. Yet you beg me back.

It's your choice boy, I did not force you.

I though we could be the same, or may even be closer. But I was wrong. From the instance I saw the smses you had exchanged with Michelle, I could not help but .................. You told her you are going to be single. AND WHY DID YOU ASK ME BACK?? You told her about my bitchy attitude, you told her about me wanting to leave you. Ya, as the friend she cheer you up and supports you. But why do you need to tell her? Even why Xiao Gui prompt, you did not tell him. This gave me more reason to hate that clique of yours.

Do you know, whenever we argued, I have no one to turn to. My so call friends aren't there for me at all. No matter how close I am with them, they don't give me a sense of dependency. My relationship with YiLing and Samantha had drifted ever since we left Secondary School. I just can't bring myself to share my problems with them. As for Delphine, she will sure make me hate you more. Jessica, Yvonne and ZiMin are to ignorant to help me. Joanne, Jamie, HeQiang or even Nurul, are just so far away. There is just so much they know about me. How much can they help? And I can't just call people like my god-kor JiaXin, people like Anthony or Julian am I right? I can only bear all these within me and cry till I'm too tired to do so.

In a nut shell, I just hate you telling them how sucky I am and why you are going to be single, yet asking me back over here.

Please, I just hate the fucking clique of yours. I tried to be nice. I tried to blend in when we watched movie with them. But did they give a fucking damn about me? You don't like my poly friends for not saying 'hi' to you, so I got all the reasons to hate your basketball clique right? I felt out casted there. When that poobor stepped on my feet, what were you doing? 'Nah it's alright la' What the fuck. He know who the hell I was. That fat-ugly-everyone-detest-GB-girl. If he was alone, I would have given him shit.

Seriously I just hate them. I can click off better with people who need to smoke an entire pack of cigarette a day, steal people's wallet, takes drug, spike people's drink, go fucking stupid girls or even bash people for fun. But I just can't give myself even half a reason to try to know your friends.

You guys are from the same world, different from me. You guys are noisy, basketball lovers, hyper, sporty, movie lover and have great bonds. What do I have in common? Nothing! When I was young, I was like a Zi Bi child, who lives in her own world, hating people and crowds. Whenever my relatives asked me question, I would answered 'I don't know' when I jolly well knew the answer.

I'm shy, lack of confidence, low self esteem, quite, fat, ugly etc. I tried to be more outspoken. But I am still who I am. How much can I change? I just hate talking to people I'm not close to. In what way am I similar to them? There is no way I can communicate with them.

You went to chalet for your friend's birthday at Costa Sand. You called me to tell me you had reached. I know your friend don't mean any harm but why did she say "Today you be my boyfriend ok? And BBQ for me to eat." You tried to cover it by pressing the number pad. Oh please you are just so brain lag. I could hear the entire sentence before you did that. You said you will call me back late as you are busy. Hey, they always say, a smart girl knows when to act blur. You didn't know I heard it.

I went for dinner after that without my handphone. 9 missed calls and 3 smses from you. "Oh i forgot to bring my phone along with me when I went for dinner". Hey that was just a lame excuse as I seriously don't wish to see any smses from you for a period.

I know you will not fall for them but hey, you are a guy. These bimbos are much more of a temptation. If they are hot and cheap I don't see why I will give the fuck a miss? Every actions of them are hidden with flirtation and 'there(2)-ing'.

This basketball clique of yours is just a typical Sembawang Sec ah beng and ah lian group. As an ex student, it further enhances my hatred for them.

I wrote this so long, as in this case nobody will be too interested to read. If you really bother, I thank you for your time as this is specially for you, Tyler.

You can come and bitch with me regarding the above but I will still stay firm with my stand, you friends are just total bastard child.

1020pm now. What a lengthy post.