oh...

Keith told me about a pretty bass senior he saw in a youtube video and asked me about her last Saturday. Curious to know who she is, i began to search for that video.

I did found videos taken during the orientation camp back in 2006, but I saw other videos that seems more interesting. It was videos of our performance in the Esplanade and Sydney.

There is a video entitled 'FNZ' which was taken in Sydney town hall I think. So I waited for it to load and reminisce... And as I watched the shaky video, I saw an odd-one-out western instrument. Ya, one bei da was spoiled back then... Thus double bass was use to replace bei da and was played by RuiXiang.

Suddenly many things came to my mind... Like how Mike wished we cello section could play better, how rx will be disappointed with us if he know our current situation. But we are only left with less than a month to fly. 7 cellist, yet we can only hear 3. Joanne told me about his wish before he left us, but all it does is that it makes me guilty. "He wants and really urge to see cello section bloom and do well more then anyone else. He wants to improve his section's ability to play in an orchestra..." I want to play well, I want to excel. But am I able to?

"Pract lor", you all said. But without the foundation, I really could not convince myself. With a mindset holding me back, I can't let myself free from the barrier and play.

Do rae me fa so la ti do. What are they? I don't know. A B C D E F G. Alphabets? Sharps and flat. An object? All I know is how many fingers to press down on which string at where and pull or push my bow. This is not music. All I have being doing is 'operating' an instrument.

I swam my way through from NYP auditorium to Singapore's Esplanade to Sydney Town Hall and the Opera house. I'm drowning now. With guilt.

Conclusion? Go pract more la.

Yeah I will, and hope can be better.

Hope.

No point staying in the orchestra any longer. Just taking up spaces. Guess I will be leaving after the HongKong trip.

Unless I can find the true music, which I doubt I will...